Are You There God? It's Me, Shakespeare

by Shakespeare Approves!

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD  or more

     

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

about

Recorded live on August 25, 2018, at the New York Renaissance Faire.

A great big thank you to all of the fans who helped to make this possible, for going along with a joke for the last decade and more that my next project would be titled, "Are You There God? It's Me, Shakespeare." Now that this has happened, I need a new joke.

Seriously: thank you all for supporting me and wanting me to be your friendly, neighbourhood Shakespeare for all of these years. This is just the beginning of recording the insanity for posterity.

To David: thank you for your talent, bringing along your fabulous crew of troubadours to provide the instrumentation and make me sound legit, and for your friendship and collaboration on this insane project.

To the New York Renaissance Faire: thank you for providing me a space to work out and hone my craft. Magic happens in your shire.

To my cat, Milo: thank you for always being fluffy.

And last but not least: thank you to my amazing, brilliant, gorgeous and talented wife, Tara. You believed in me. You encouraged me. You egged me on. This is all your fault.

I love you.
You love me.
There is mutual, glorious affection.

credits

released September 18, 2018

Engineer: Steve Olschewski

Lead Vocals, your friendly, neighbourhood Shakespeare: Dan Kostelec
Backup Vocals, lead guitar, mandolin, the Creepy Bard: David Mikofsky
Backup Vocals, mandolin, Squishy: Erin Bernardi
Upright Bass: Quinn Harley
Percussion: "Tony "Picardy Pete" Morse

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Shakespeare Approves! New York, New York

contact / help

Contact Shakespeare Approves!

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: Intro/Shakespeare's Nursery Rhymes
I'm a little teapot
Short and stout
Here is my handle
And here's my spout
Let me get all steamed up
And hear me out
Tip me over and pour me out

Singin' I'm a little teapot!

Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go
it followed her to school one day
Which was against the rules
it made the children laugh and play
To see a lamb at school

Baa baa baa baa black sheep!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty
Together again

Always designate your driver!

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
They went to get some water
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after

Girls perform better than boys on the S-A-T!

A-B-C-D-E-F-G
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P
Q-R-S
T-U-V
W-X-Y and Z

Now I know my A-B-C's!
Next time won't you sing with me?!
Track Name: All About the Moor (Othello) - featuring Lady Prudence
Cuz she's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor, Moor, Moor

Yeah, it's pretty clear
He ain't nobody's fool
But that Venetian general
Comes from Istanbul
He's the greatest yet
Cuz Iago told me so
And he has a leftennant
Named Michael Cassio

He's heading off to war
To build the siegeworks
He's gonna go and fight
The dastard evil Turks
He doesn't want his wife
To get in mischief
And so he gives to Desi
His lucky handkerchief

Cuz Desdemona's mama said date no Italian guys
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)
Rather, marry a fella whose ego is not out of size
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)
And he'll smother you baby with affection wild
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)
And the pillow talk you know it will not be mild
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)

Cuz she's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor, Moor, Moor

He's bringin' hummus back
Go off and tell all your carrots that
They have a tasty dip
And Iago's gonna go and steal the handkerchief

Cuz Desdemona's mama said date no Italian guys
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)
Rather, marry a fella whose ego is not out of size
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)
And he'll smother you baby with affection wild
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)
And the pillow talk you know it will not be mild
(fa-la-la, fa-la-la)

Cuz she's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor, Moor, Moor

Cuz she's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor
Othello!
She's all about the Moor
'Bout the Moor, Moor, Moor
Track Name: Heigh-Ho the Wind & the Rain
Fa-la-la!
Fa-la-la!
Fa-la-la!
Fa-la-la!

When that I was a little tiny boy
A foolish thing was but a toy
But when I came to man’s estate
‘Gainst knaves & thieves men shut their gate

But when I came, alas! to wive,
By swaggering could I never thrive
But when I came unto my beds
With toss-pots, we still had drunken heads!

Chorus
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
For the rain, it raineth ev’ry day
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
For the rain, it raineth ev’ry day
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May
Thou art more lovely & more temperate
And Summer’s lease hath all too short a date

But thy eternal Summer shall not fade
Nor shall Death brag thou wand’rest in his shade
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee!

Chorus
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
For the rain, it raineth ev’ry day
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
For the rain, it raineth ev’ry day
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!

My sweet, our love’s an ever-fix-ed mark
It is the star to every wandering bark
If this be error, and upon me proved
I never writ, nor no man ever loved!

Chorus
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
For the rain, it raineth ev’ry day
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
For the rain, it raineth ev’ry day
With hey-ho, the wind & the rain
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
Hey, nonny-nonny-nay!
Track Name: 500 Poems (I'm Not A Stalker)
When I wake up, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the Bard who wakes with thoughts of you
When I’m musing, yay I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the Bard who’s musing over you
When I’m writing, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the Bard who writes sonnets for you
And if I stalk you, yay I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the Bard who might be stalking you

But I would write 500 poems
And I would write 500 more
Just to be the Bard who wrote a thousand poems
And nailed them to your door

When I’m acting, yes I know I’m gonna be
The lover in a story about you
And when the royalties come in for the work I do
I’ll commission a Michaelangelo for you
When I sing this (when I sing this)
Well I know I’m gonna be,j
I’m gonna be the Bard who’s singing this to you
And when you’re sleeping, well I know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the Bard who’s watching over you

But I would write 500 poems
And I would write 500 more
Just to be the Bard who wrote a thousand poems
And nailed them to your door

Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-no
Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-no

Your last haircut, did you know that I was there?
I was the Bard who picked your hair up off the floor
And when I’m dreaming, well I know I’m gonna dream
About the dress you wore last Saturday before
When you go out (when you go out),
Well you know I’m gonna be
I’m gonna be the Bard who’s two steps behind you
And I love you (oh, I love you)
Like Romeo loved Juliet
This isn’t creepy this is perfectly normal
There’s be less suicide, I know you’ll love me, too

But I would write 500 poems
And I would write 500 more
Just to be the Bard who wrote a thousand poems
And nailed them to your door

Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-no
Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny (nonny-nonny)
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-nonny-no
Repeat

But I love you and I’m not a stalker
It’s just a very strong feeling
It may just be a mid-life crisis
‘Cuz I’ve got 3 kids and a mortgage
Track Name: Beggars to God - featuring Matthew Young & Lady Prudence
The song of gypsy Davy rang delighted through the night,
The wise and foolish virgin kept her candles burning bright,
Rise up, my young and foolish one, and follow if you can,
There'll be no need for candles in the arms of such a man.

Chorus
Make love to each other; be free with each other,
Be prisoners of love 'til you lie in the sod,
Be friends to each other, forgive one another,
See God in each other, be beggars to God.

The night was cold and dark and wet as they wandered on alone,
The sky became their canopy and the earth became their throne,
And as their raiment ran to rags, they thought it nothing wrong,
For earth and sky are robe enough, when you sing the gypsy song.

Chorus

They sang and played the gypsy song wherever they were sent,
To some, it seemed a dancing tune; to some, a sad lament,
But in every heart that heard them true, a tear became a smile,
And a pauper or a prince became a gypsy for a while.

Chorus
Track Name: Super Convoluted Plot (That No-One Really Cares For)
It’s a super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.
When I wrote it down I got a lot of hostile stares for
It’s the kind of thing you’d exit pursued by a bear for.
A super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.

(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)
(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)

Because me uncle killed me dad and married my sweet mother
I set sail that day with my identical twin brother.
Our ship went down, we wound up separated from each other
I met a guy in Venice and his girlfriend he did smother.

It’s a super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.
When I wrote it down I got a lot of hostile stares for
It’s the kind of thing you’d exit pursued by a bear for.
A super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.

(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)
(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)

I travelled all around the world. My money was all spent.
I wound up in Verona where I met two clever gents.
Their sister drank a potion and pretended to be dead
Switched places with a prostitute and wound up in my bed.

It’s a super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.
When I wrote it down I got a lot of hostile stares for
It’s the kind of thing you’d exit pursued by a bear for.
A super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.

(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)
(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)

So when thrice brindled cat hath mewed, there’s no need to dismay.
Just check your watch and ask yourself “Just how long is this play?”
But if this is the dumbest thing you’ve heard in all your lives.
Just trust me, it’s not half as stupid as the Merry Wives!

It’s a super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.
When I wrote it down I got a lot of hostile stares for
It’s the kind of thing you’d exit pursued by a bear for.
A super convoluted plot that no one really cares for.

(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)
(I’m getting married or I’m gonna die!)